It's been emotional lately.
One month away to turn 21, I don't like this.
It has been there, and always there, hide deeply inside my soul.
The darkness tries to take control, keep fighting hard but doesn't make me tough and strong enough all the time.
Most of the time, I just want to run.
To keep running, hiding maybe.
Force to see, to listen, to learn all the positive way to stay breathing, told myself not to give up easily.
Cause I worth it, deserve to be a greater person.
If not, who I am?
Trying hard to re-connect the world that I living, seen people, animals, lives facing death and suffering disease.
Even the skies get rough, they never give up, they keep fighting to live, even just one more minute.
I am inspired and encouraged.
I hate to be a coward, I hate to walk out so easily.
And my soul doesn't suit to be one of them.
I'm still looking out, no giving up.
I want no more celebration for my birthdays, it's not supposed to be celebrated but memorised.
I have to feel the hurt that my mother has been through to bring me to this world.
I have to be grateful to her, even I didn't make it in the last twenty years, I should start right now.
I want no more death in my life, I need to keep alive and must keep healthy.
I finally started to care lives, not just human being, never forget about the animals who couldn't speak for themselves.
They couldn't scream or yell, if could, what would they tell the world?
" I'm hurt and innocent, please do not kill me, just like you, I'm trying hard to stay alive and I want to live, the world is so great to be seen, why would you take away my life? "
I think I have those scary nightmares for years for a reason.
There must be a message that God send to me.
Too many innocence and death have been caused by human being, the world is falling apart.
Human's greed and selfishness is killing lives in the world, turning the peaceful place to dangerous and dying world.
Human should be ashamed of their own cruelty and greed.
I've made my decision, no matter how hard it takes, I will try my best to save the planet.
I'm going to be a vegetarian, cares about animals.
No more killing of innocent lives for our food.
To kill one and eat it to keep alive, I need to abandon this rule in my life.
It might take months or years, but I will make it.
My vegetarian diet has started, wish me luck.
I'm going to care and show my concern on animals shelter and start to make difference.
Start with the thing I could do, in my capabilities and controls.
Like sponsorship will be another way I could do.
To find the real me, until the greater me been found.
I won't give up.
Sincerely pray for a peaceful and green world.
God is with us, always.
Be faithful, do not give up.
